Sunday, November 09, 2008
i woke up this morning feeling thoroughly unrefreshed. probably having something to do with the time. as usual, things aren't always peachy this side of the universe. the first thing i thought of was about giving people the benefit of the doubt. deep, i know.i mean, look. i was discussing this with d last night. its not that hard. we are all born with the same quality: always looking at the most positive aspect of every situation and circumstance. of course, time and experience and years erode most of this, and to varying degrees, but ultimately, inside of us there's still that idea.
there will always be someone who would defy all of that, and especially when one least expects it. there will be that one person who will assume the worse of you, despite not even close to knowing what they're talking about. an example would be a comment made by someone who wanted to remain anonymous saying derogatory things about a photo i had uploaded back in first year. not that big a deal, i might say. but its an example nevertheless.
and so the person stated something about my being an embarassment to a society i was just beginning to know and learn about. i was all of 3 weeks into being in a foreign country all on my own and knowing maybe, 2 persons from before in malaysia. i don't even know who it was or why it was that it had to be said, and strangely enough that set the precedent. i wasn't going to warm up to anyone associated to said society and probably coz at the back of my mind i thought they were all thinking the same thing. that i was an embarassment.
i never deleted that comment or made any note of it, but it just came back to me now, four years in, and not entirely that much different from that day.
well maybe thats not entirely true. i've certainly outgrown certain phases, and many people for some reason. growing process! we all move forward, and only because there's no other way to go.
and yes, maybe everyone will make assumptions of who and what you are. and maybe everything you do is subject to intrepetation. maybe one day you/i will realize that maybe thats not a decision we have any control over, and that it's okay to leave it all to fate. that sounded more melodramatic than i intended it to, but u get the drift.
maybe i just thought that for whatever reason i would still like to have been given something to mull over, instead of starting the thought process with gazillion doubts. i mean, we are all grown up, relatively speaking. it would have been as simple as giving someone the benefit of the doubt, i know i have. whether i was right or wrong is shockingly unclear.
let us note that this is a true diversion from what i initially wanted to write about. can't remember what it was now. haha. thats classic fatin.
woohoo med school (sarcasm).
<3 <3 <3
14:16
