eiremoi is me, three-quarters of the time.










kaka(not the footballer)
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14 feb 2010
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Boon May for art
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insomnia for the time

today was as erronous as i could find fault with. i got up feeling rather dapper, considering i could not bring myself to wake up any earlier than noon in the last three days.

i entered class today and went through the last measley bits of therapeutics that i managed to go be on time for, and somehow, while sitting there in that second-last row, glancing around at everyone, i just felt like i had to apologize. i had to apologize for the ambivalence in my feelings, i had to apologize for having the worse possible perceptions of a few choice individuals, i had to apologize for my failure to stay as normal and ambiguous through this time in my life. all these apologies were negligible and meant more to me than they would to anyone else involved.

and i also found out that a dear classmate and friend's father passed away suddenly, and my thoughts and wishes go out to her. Al-Fatihah. i cannot imagine how i would be able to get through such a traumatic time, and if there's anything i can do, i would. i am so very sorry for your loss.

i also spent a few quiet moments today pondering my space. i was sitting in a quiet, dark room, no one around me, and nothing audible. it was just me, with the world moving outside that room, but nothing happening within. and that moment somehow made me smile. it was my one moment of proper, clear spirituality in a long, long time. it made me feel strangely allowing of everything else. maybe for a short while, maybe for some time. i haven't the slightest.

what good came out of the whole day was just to be able to let go. let things be. because everyday actions of other people does not equal a similar and opposing reaction from me. that would be daft. i just wanted to somehow be okay with what's been done unto, done towards, and done for me and other people. sudahlah, as people say. i am going to live this life, as it is presented before me, today. and deal with tomorrow's life tomorrow.

that's not half bad for a lesson for the day.