Tuesday, December 25, 2007
the biatch came and left and for the briefest of moments i felt back to where we were back then, or more aptly, back to who i was back then. i could be comfortable being loud and doing random things or being childish without fear and judgement, not because the environment around me has been eluding me of opportunities to do so but because with that done with three other girls and having it magnified like that makes it even more interesting.so my eve of christmas eve did not go unmarked, naturally. christmas eve consisted of going to watch the ultimate christmas chick flick, PS I Love You, with my two favourite men. its fair to say that the fact that the guys were watching the movie to begin with meant that they were very confident of their sexualities, but i noticed that no amount of coaxing were about to make them talk about the movie afterwards. chick flick postmortems are ment to be done by chicks. who looks the dreamiest and which scene was the sweetest? they're not saying. for the rest of the day i ended up finishing my year-long knitting project and made a lil cutesy (if i may say so) beanie: flaws, holes and all, and started on my next project. a purple, furry skinny scarf. good luck fatin.and last night i had a dream. everyone was leaving for PMC and i didn't even bother to go to the airport. i helped everyone pack and all, but when they left, i just stayed back. and then regretted it completely. and then when i was on the bus, supposedly towards home, i was just thinking about getting to the airport when i turned around and realized that the boys were in the seat behind me, and i was actually going to the airport anyway to send them off. it didn't seem weird in the dream but i recalled the dream like, 20 minutes ago, and it just struck me how sad i was that i didn't say goodbye. i suppose its the reality of the situation. we're all saying goodbye. and its supersad. im not going to think about it now, not when i dont have to. but yeah, i think it was the outing that did it. ptth.and today's christmas. i woke up late, watched shrek 2 and finding nemo, and knitted for a foot. tonight's a makan2 at ekin and a sleepover. and the mainstay of my day was a worry that knotted up inside about having to start the cycle all over again. school, malaysian night. things to organize, worry about, choreograph, overcome. the lacking of time in general. i feel like i don't want to go back, almost like im scared to go back there. its inevitable, and is bound to arrive sometime but for a few seconds today i just didn't want to. oh well. this is partly what holidays are for, for allowing us to just step back and feel like not wanting to do something, only because it's not the time to do it yet. once u have to do it, you dont have that choice anymore. begitulah.and that sums up my rather useless babble about how my christmas went. how was urs?selamat hari natal, semua.PS (damn im doing a hijaz!) - i am jacket/boots/miscellaneousclothingitems shopping on st stephen's day morning. mari kita!
<3 <3 <3
19:17
