Monday, December 31, 2007
well. what more can i say. today i cried a little, and laughed hard. im feeling blessed for every wonderful thing ive got going for me in my life today, and feeling resentful of the way i respond to all of these. i always thought that my ability to disconnect to the world, to forget the little things only happen when im stressed, like an affliction brought on by sadness, but today i was happy. lately ive been happy. very happy. and yet i do the same old thing. i disconnect. i become less aware of small, yet significant things. i put things on the back burner, i procrastinate. i do everything else first. okay, so maybe the last few days weren't perfect. but i swore i was happy, so why am i doing this?clearly this is all very vague. anyhoo i just think im a sucky friend. im sorry, you, for not replying ur text the other day, even though you did me a favour, and have always been great and charming. and to you, for my pseudo-attention. and of course, to you, for forgetting how much you mean to me on ur big day, even though i love you to bits and you were the best roomate anyone can ask for and my very best friend. and to everyone else i fail to be a friend to. sometimes it takes a jolt to remember to be human. i know for sure that i need, and deserve, these jolts every now and again. i need a reason to value things i take for granted, people i love and care about, and just be reminded that i do not exist alone in the world. that there are these people around me, and the interactions i have with these people that make me, me. mother, best friends, ex-boyfriend, sister, biatch, and everyone else in between. i love you, and thank you for helping me add something else to my list of new year's resolutions: exist.
<3 <3 <3
02:58
