Monday, November 05, 2007
im rolling (not literally) in a sense of peaceful nothingness. it isnt reflective on how i feel inside, my mind is anything but empty at the moment. but for a few minutes today i just sat an arms-width apart from everything that has bogged me of late. how and why this happens, im not too sure. im not even sure of whether it is something worth mulling over, for starters. but it meant a lot to me to step back and consider everything that has been going around in my life from the outside in, instead of pressing blame and making unworthy conclusions every time these issues pop to mind.maybe its worth noting that im listening to smooth female alto tones and very guitar-worthy melodies and that that may have precipitated, if not enhanced this in-betweenness that i am so eagerly trying to dissect. i spose i just wanted to stop thinking about things for a second. to enjoy curling up on the couch in the living room, all my loves and hates around me (ie laptop on one side and performance studies assignment on the other), feeling. relinquishing the uneven softness of the couch cushions, the pseudo-childish feel of the fabric of my pajama pants, the sallow shower of light from the sole lightbulb hanging high above my head. maybe i needed a little time to just forget the weight of the world, to abstain from reliving things that are difficult or painful, and somehow also to push aside things that make me cheerier, things that make me happy. maybe i just need a moment of fake neutrality. sometimes in the light of having a full life, its just better to not exist. and i mean that in the most un-darkest way possible :)
<3 <3 <3
22:01
