Monday, September 24, 2007
today has been the longest day ever, and yet here i am, home, and in high spirits. things weren't all peachy today. we had four hours of lectures back to back and then i had the pmc meeting at half three and then walked to svuh for some workshops. by hours, its as bad as it could possibly get. but as mentioned, i am home. and am feeling so giddy. i feel at home now(?). i am filled with energy and the unpacking business seems to be making progress. im starting to feel like this bed is my bed, and i can so sleep like a baby on it. im finding the commute and the walk to be pleasent, if that at all makes sense. im starting to embrace the smell of the room and the feel of the carpet underfoot, and making all of it my own. im learning to love the place. and im thinking its going to work. or at the very least im hoping it will. as always.it wasnt all so pretty today. i felt different. i felt like i had to defend myself. i felt like all was lost. i felt completely alone whilst being surrounded by people. i felt embarrased at some things i said. i felt judged for the things i did. i felt like i had to be somewhere else doing something else. maybe be someone else while im at it.if i need to define myself with an adjective right now, i would say i'm happy. but deep down im questioning the whats and whys and hoping (again) that i wouldnt have to count on the same things to make me this happy and at the same time acknowledging that this is the best feeling in the world and im grateful for it. i am one confused, crazy person.
at the end of the day, all i can do is unpack for as long as my energy levels are up, and perhaps listen to some good music, or just daydream and allow myself to be exactly where i am right now and knowing and believing that its all okay.wish me luck :)
<3 <3 <3
21:10
