Saturday, April 21, 2007
hmm.
i have it all lodged in my mind yet i havent a clue where to start.
okay.
im irritated by people who didn't do anything on account of being pissed at someone else.
more than one someones, perhaps.
or perhaps, no one is innocent
myself included.
i am a doer.
that is my weakness.
i do not say no.
and its making my life hell.
if i keep
bagi muka to people in time stuff just gets taken for granted, and by god, this has already happened.
it sucks to know that when u keep people happy
u make urself miserable.
it sucks big time.
and it doesnt help that there are people outside playing
hockey which provides the ultimate distraction from the books.
it made me miss bp and the wonder years.
it made me want to be on top again. be where i was.
when did life do a turnabout all i do now are all the unimaginative, unsatisfying things?
or am i asking for too much to begin with?
is it supposed to be like this, and my complaints are merely ramblings of one unalerted to the reality?
omg
i just dont know anymore
i want something nice to happen just to pick me up.
or to write a song and play the guitar even though its out of tune and im a bad guitarist to begin with.
i want to run outside and not think.
or receive some flowers.
i want to go home where i know there are people who look at me and tell me im perfect, especially in the days when i bloody hell know im not.
i want to stand up and tell you how i feel. that its not funny when you can do it and i cant. or that i only do things to make you happy.
the both of you. i want to be in a community where everyone is okay with my weight/size because i realized im the only person who doesnt have a problem with it, and everybody else does, it being their business and everything (please note sarcasm).
i want to reread this and laugh at what i wrote because ultimately, honesty is probably the only thing that can heal me now.
<3 <3 <3
12:41
