Monday, February 05, 2007
i am ungrateful
having things going for me is seemingly not enough proof that life is, and indeed truly is, good for me.
perhaps small qualms, when grouped together, appear larger than ever
add that to pepperings of larger problems
and we've got ourselves a stew
yesterday i realized i have fallen for someone
although i havent a clue if its phasic
or its the real deal
whether im falling for the person or the memory
it sucks.
it sucks only because that someone has a girlfriend.
i think i might have a sensor for unavailable guys.
but thats the thing with me i spose.
i dont mess with people's relationships.
if the guy is in a relationship, he's as good as married.
with very rare exceptions to the rule.
and i dont ever settle for 2nd best.
everyone questions why im still single and thats just it.
im not voluntarily being picky. i am just like that.
i recall anas giving me a testi on friendster about the kind of personality i have
he said (i dont remember it word by word, though)
that i have the kind of personality that makes me seem as if i like every guy thats around me
well he phrased it better
now i cant find the testimonial anywhere but screw that
i just wanted to think about it
anyhoo i dont know whether to be offended or appreciative at the event of being compared to an emaciated, though highly eligible tv bimbo.
a character that i hate pulak tu
it just gave me silly thoughts on how i hate certain things.
i am a blubbering, monotonous mess.
cordoned off in an invisible square
wasting away yet not finding enough hours in the day
write now i dont know.
i feel stupid. i feel like the rest is up to nobody.
i just have to sit here and wait it out.
as i have always been
nothing new.
which is why it hurts more than it really ever does.
<3 <3 <3
20:00
