Wednesday, December 06, 2006
i was just thinking and looking and wondering about various commodities when it dawned on me that sometimes people dont live up to scratch. there are some people who exceeded my expectations, like when i see them i feel like they are larger than life. like they expand beyond the preconceptions i have about them in my head.
and on the other extreme there are people who just disappoints. all glitz and glitters and then squat.
i am looking at old past testimonials and wondering how it all was for me. so many things made me laugh, and made me smile. so many nice words, some not so nice, some extremely memorable.
sometimes i dont want to do things, and ill only do them because its the only right thing to be done. maybe the only way to be is to be correct. i wont stand corrected.
im listening to jason lo's
operater, and im suddenly thinking about how this all relates to the story with faris back in the day. i spose this could be resultant of looking at old testimonials or something, but anyhoo. it was just this whole promise about not being together anymore and moving on and remaining best friends till forever and ever. what a dream that was. seriously, we all grew up. i cant blame myself or anyone else for what happened between us two, and with azim and everyone else because i was 17 or 18 or god knoes what other juvenile denomination.
and perhaps also on the fact that i listen. so dont ever tell me something you dont mean. i was told something i wanted to believe and i wanted to hear, and that, i must say, started the end of me. as lo puts it, 'believe me, i follow all you said.' perfect.
i am complicated and i can only appreciate complicated things. and in a nutshell, that makes me complicated. being this narcissistic and this intertwined has made me that much harder to reach and i dont complain.
im going to go off and do things i know is the right thing to do, and believe me im not talking about exams here.
<3 <3 <3
23:06
