Sunday, December 24, 2006
its 2am plus plus and i was just done with watching
while you were sleeping. all i remembered about watching that movie those many years ago was how it ended with sandra bullock and bill pullman getting married in the end carriage of a train. and the self-reflexive last line. but watching it all over again at the ripe old age of twenty just made me see it in a whole different way.
speaking of twenty i haven't realized lately how im actually 20, as i keep associating myself with being 19. its not a bad age to be, i spose, but having birthdays nearer towards the end of the year always means one gets a lil skewed about how old one really is. its probably a lot worse for ekin who has a birthday and a day or two later has to be a whole year older than she really is.
anyhoo with the light of abundant xmas movies (and strangely enough every movie ive downloaded lately happens to be one) i am in a lovely warm cocoonish state. since ekin left (which was this morning fgs!) ive realized that i feel
full with all sorts of stuff left to eat in this house; i feel
rich because when min's not at home, i feel like i own this house, and all its empty bedrooms and hallways, and have it all to myself; and i feel
loved because i am reminded of the people who love me.
these are good feelings. and i feel at peace right now. i can be completely isolated yet ensconced in warmth. i suppose the feeling will pass, and yeah, ill live. i also feel like living for the moment, because i dont feel like i want to wait. i want to feel everything there is to feel. good or bad.
anyhoo i have a favourite line from a movie tonight. two, in fact, and both are from WYWS. the first one is pretty long and gibberish, but the second one is simple and pretty understandable. when lucy says i love you to jack after he proposes, he says
i love you back instead of
i love you too. such a simple twisting of words that make all the difference in the world.
i also watched that one scene in love actually that seems to have the same effect no matter how many times ive seen it. i didnt watch the whole movie tonight coz i am getting pretty tired and should probably go to bed, but i will be watching it soonest. its a lovely movie minus those lil porn-ish bits (which was kinda sweet in the end) and yeah, its xmas so what a time to be watching it.
not having to do anything is an amazing feeling. its hugely satisfying. but it made me realize that somehow, i am not cut out for this. i am made to work and do something interesting with my life. if i have the means and the will, id travel the world instead of being here. the world is an ironic place and tonight of all nights, and last night, and during exam season, i am reminded of how ironic and twisted the world really is.
anyways im sleeping the right way round on a huge bed tonight for the first time in many nights, feeling a lil giddy from all too many chick flicks and overindulging on my jiwang side.
<3 <3 <3
03:03
