Thursday, November 23, 2006
i was just thinking (rather ridiculously) whilst doing mostly nothing this morning that we have ceased to live, us med students. it only those frivolous summer/xmas/easter holidays that bring light to us all, and shed a little life to these 'living dead' types.
i spent an entire morning worrying about my women's studies essay, and my spanish aural and oral test, and how exactly am i going to attempt my endo test. i am worried about the responsibilities i agreed to accept and how i am ever going to cope with the workload.
truthfully, everyone around me is stressed to a certain extent. i was talking to a girl who was stressed to the point of tears. i was on a phone with a lad who was so stressed he use me as an emotional punchbag or more gently put, an ear to lean on (?). and a girl adamantly says in her IM status that the refuses to be intimidated by exams. notice how i dont say who's who? thats because it is everyone. everyone's like this. everyone feels the exact same way. right now its us, responsibilities and exam.
who was it who said university life was the best times of your life? who was it? meh sini sat?!
anyhoo to prove my utter repugnancy in relation to this issue i spent this morning retuning my guitar, and recording and rerecording prelude no 1 and anna nalick's breathe on my laptop. i am going to watch a movie and going to a tahlil tonight. all this makes the day so special. coz i am alive. and i am living. i hate stagnancy. i hate being still. i hate sleeping in the same room all the time for more that a fortnight.
which makes me wonder again whether im even in the right course right now. haha. coz i dont think being a doctor paves much roads for expansion and excitement. but then again tra la la. the same old problems still bug me but then again im not the same person i was when i was 15, and so using that as a tool, i am assuming im not going to be the same person i am now when i am 25. and perhaps, by than stagnancy is something i want, or need. haih.
mak thinks i have herd mentality. i dont think i do. i know it. i spent much time editing my friendster background, and using the internet and sending full emails back home. it felt real to be doin something instead of studying but deep inside, i am insistent of the need for me to be studying and at least perusing something academically related just because (i) i am a med student; (ii) should be studying because i have three major deadlines/exams due next week and i haven't progressed much; (iii) everyone else has.
my point being, its impertuous that i have a life, but my life revolves around the herd mentality that drives me to live a life of the living dead, just like everyone else around me.
<3 <3 <3
15:09
