Friday, November 03, 2006
when i was climbing up the stairs
i saw a man who wasnt there
i saw the man again today
i wish, i wish he'd go away
those are my favourite lines of the week. hehehe. i just got back from gbam's bday party. it was nice in a friendly pow-wow kinda way. loads of piccies, a homemade cake and loads of funny occurrences.
when one has thoughts or themes running riot in one's imagination, should one allow these thoughts? or simply not feed the insistent thirst of wrongfulness? is it wise to step up to conscience and the obvious truth? or just absolve and surrender to the will?
i had a thought recently about acceptance and the idea of being cool. its interesting to see how people feed off this thing. how some people effortlessly and seemingly float into apparent cooldom. does apathy make sense in the scheme of things? i seem to notice the lack of concern and emotions throughout has brought out an apparent character differentiation in the eyes on one and others. hehe ive seen this since forever and it fascinates me.
as far as desires and olde enough memories stand by, its all kinds of stabbing insults that bring force so the surface. it is the inaccuracy of the perception that boggles, the insecure, insipid interest that persists. like gwen s. says, 'i find myself choking on all my contradictions'.
very well said. can one be so magnately confused to the point of no answer? till one could no longer think of ways out, escape hatches, safety rafts? can one be embedded so deep within that there is no prying out anymore?
and whats worse is pushing away and others turning away. what is there left at the end of the day? is there a point at which one can just say stop? i have never seen it ever being possible, and many books and readings i have come across attest to that. when signs and patience show so significantly in the persona of others i'd be blind not to notice but then as significant as the prior point it can be shunned out. how devastating.
i keep writing in bouts. haha. paused for a few minutes here and there. i tak tahu lah. hehehe.
in a sudden mirth of emotions i pasanged a song by the used. and suddenly i feel a little calmer. its my anthem. my own persona personified. even though the persona of others continue mercilessly to taint and taunt me, i am ensconced safest in what i call mine. music.
xxxx
<3 <3 <3
21:21
