Friday, November 17, 2006
today of all days was nice. it started pretty darn late, and i could vaguly remember stumbling downstairs to check on my downloads, which will be the highlight of my life in the foreseeable future. it has boiled down to a point where i already have too many things i havent watched thats building up, and im still downloading. ptth.
i was just reminded that i have a tutorial tommorow for gahc which im highly unprepared for. and then i have that essay due in two weeks, which i am clearly regressing from embarking.
anyhoo. back to my day. it started with the pmcsa meeting, which didnt go too badly. but it did, however, enunciate my inability to say no. i cant say no. but it did prove that everything is flowing. that most things we know of are smooth, and fluid. things take a natural path in this world, and thats just a nice thing to know.
anyways i am of the idea that it is nice to be at this age and at this stage in life. i live in constant fear of regrets and of not doing things i would want to do but wouldnt have time to later on. hehe. okay maybe not in such a correlative way, but something along those lines. i just want to seize the day. heh.
anyways we finally had the dance practise for the girls which felt like ages, honestly, but now we're at par with the guy dancers and more or less have completed half the dance. woohoo. it was tiring but afterwards i felt exhilirated. it might just turn out something kinda wonderful (bad grammar very much intended).
then we went to ish's party in whiteoak. it was stale and a lil slow at first, and then it rawked. there were so many people. i dont know a lot of em coz theyr'e mostly 1st years, but it was a nice party. lotsa tasty, somewhat healthy food, like carrots and celery with dips. and the crowd was nice. all the usual msian med partygoers were there to contribute to the festivities. it just reminded me that no matter how much i tell myself that im beyond partying and such, my heart's still in it somehow.
of course, now i feel that if i were to go, i would have had a great time, but thats just the seize the day part of me talking again. i cant do it all, and i am aware of that. i'd be too tired for tommorow and the weekend and lets face it, im already too tired irregardless.
sometimes its sad that one person could make such a huge impact on my wellbeing. on my psyche, on my thoughts and mental health in general too. i shan't be impacted by all these but inevitably i am. hehe. but distractions and being busy keeps me away from thinking of things i love to hate (metaphorically speaking). i absolutely abhorringly hate this one guy im thoroughly in love with. so there.
anyhoo. today after the party, wagner gave me a ride on his bike, which was exhilirating for someone who is mildly phobic of said mode of transportation. i spent a lot of it with my eyes closed, but when it was open i enjoyed it tremendously. i have absolute faith in wagner and his cycling abilities, and as such, i didnt mind closing my eyes when im essentially a major contributor in the stability and balancing of this fecked two wheeled thing.
being on that bike and being terrified and simultaneously excited just reminded me of home. it occured to me that i can have as much fun and do as many stupid things here, just the way it was back then. that i would still have the same crazy bunch of friends who would humor (and humiliate) me when need be, and do stupid things and not care coz they dont either. the same crazy bunch of friends, only the faces and names are different. the concept it unchanged.
that bike ride reminded me of things traditionalist and modern. of kampungs and fun, for some reason. i enjoyed it a lot more than one might think.
haha. okay, so i might have exaggerated on the bike bit. its just plain fun, actually.
anyways in event of a lot of things that has shaken this world we live in today, i must admit defeat; for inevitably no matter what i might otherwise think, i always, always, come back to the same old shit. hehe. its true, and its real. o amount of self-help books, words of wisdom and feminism classes can change that fact. its scary but true.
but at least and above all, at the very least, i am not depressed anymore. im hoping all these wonderful people around me could get me away from feeling that way. ever again. thnx guys. xoxo.
<3 <3 <3
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