Wednesday, November 29, 2006
im am beseiged by questions that usually i have the answers to. only now, i stop right at the point when the questions demand an answer. and then i am silenced.
it isn't a strange thing then, that i was similarly portraying the same characteristics during my oral test for spanish yesterday, and as such, after all those arduous hours of preparing myself for the test, and the two hours of intense, perpetrating suspence at waiting my turn, i disappointed.
so today i am stronger. i am willing to push forward, to entrust myself with the possibility that i can, and will, make a good essay. at the same time im plagued by worries. indecent, inappropriate worries that is laughable to the extent that i myself am disgusted at the idea of being so worrisome.
unusually enough, i would like to iterate here that i absolutely hate cadbury roses. they are too sweet, too unhealthy, too malaysian and too headache-inducing for my tastes. but, as much as i abhor it, i will be caught eating some in some occasion or another, as lets face it, i eat everything, including the very things i hate. though i must say, the hazelnut in caramel does tickle my fancy ever so slightly, as it does divert from the usual norm of roses. tho i still find it a tad too manis. hahha.
haha. was looking at suraya's profile today and there was a testi from CL wondering about how she can be single, whether its by choice or coz all the guys she's been before were hopeless. and that made me think of the girls in my class who i've similarly wondered about. aiza, or sarah marilyn, for example. these girls have queues of guys wanting to be with them i bet, but they aren't with anyone. its amazing, isn't it.
its like trevor, my favourite guitar god cum guru once said, that single women are sexy but the sexiest is the one who
chooses to be single, not the one cirsumstantially available. this sexy mama is the one who doesnt give a fuck when all her friend says she has to find someone, or has to be with a man to make her happy (okay so trev didnt exactly say the last line, that was me). so kudos to these two, assuming their relevancy to this sexy mama phenomenon.
woohoo. sudah habis satu theme. woohoo!
as of this moment, i swear if i ever fall in love again, i wont ever want to be one of those weak memmies who go soft. i know what i say is never permanent, that when i find the right one i might just be so hopeless. but its crazy sometimes to see how this thing is really happening to people i know. im almost disgusted by it on occasion, but 90% of the time, its just me going: 'thats not going to happen to me. im never going to be that girl'.
i have started to fall for the bass strings on my guitar, and have now warmed up to the idea of playing classical on those strings instead of the nylons all the time.
it is now 4.30 am on friday, the 1st of dec, and as noted, this blog has transgressed three days and much of the in betweens, especially the completion of my essay which has resulted in me half dazed yet surprisingly articulate, and in a state of severe sleep backlogging. honestly, im as curious to see how this blog turns out as much as how the essay will be, because both have gone through identicle processes i never dreamed of.
<3 <3 <3
22:31
