Wednesday, November 08, 2006
i started the day with a feeling of relentless laziness. not the pain-in-the-arse kind, just the soul's unwillingness to pursue the day. i didn't feel like going to class or leaving the house for that matter. just felt like not existing for the day. strange, in a way. i wasn't feeling depressed or anything. i just didnt want to leave. didn't want to pursue the day.
today something made me happy. ekin and i stopped at the sports center for something just before class started. and the interesting thing is, as we were leaving the generic two layer doors of the center, there were two guys who held the doors for us. held it for a long, long time pulak tu. one was an older guy and the other was probably a student. will all the flak one gets about being foreign, instances like these stand out. these people are the best. they are so well brought up, they dont even see the difference in race or religion or colour. they simply saw us as two girls trying to get out of a building. and being the gentlemen that they are, they hold the door open for us. gawd, all guys should be like this. tis an excerpt of something i read today. very interesting. should take this to heart:Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. The only reason someone would hate you is because they want to be just like you.There are at least 2 people in this world that would die for you. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you dont even know exists loves you. When you make the biggest mistake ever,something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you , take a second look at whats facing you. Always remember the compliments you receive. Forget the rude remarks. Love is all.comel la. hehe.anyhoo i was thinking about this girl i knew. i like her coz she's a lot more like me than i think. she is the kind of person who was never quite understood. who was a little different, and no one could understand that. hehe. anyways i realized that the reason she and i are alike is for the same basic reason. we were both more than alone. we are individual constituents, not due to our weaknesses, but due to a very simple concept. we are a kind. we are alone and strong and independent ( note: single) because we are in love with someone we can't have. its not rocket science. it happens.btw on hindsight the last paragraph has lesbian connotations, so let me clarify that im actually very much straight. hahahah. i know this is stupid but recently i was asked if i liked girls and waws somewhat freaked out by that episode. i however, insist that i can't get any straighter than i am now. so that simplifies it. i am in love with someone, but i can't have him. it takes a lot of effort i guess, to change that and i spose it takes a strong willed guy to change my mind. so anyone out there who thinks he has what it takes to make cupid hit the arrow harder, im all yours. hahahahahaha. gosh i dah supermerepek. maybe me being in love has this other order that causes me to push away from other guys but i doubt it. i think it all boils down to strength. in two words, try me.i was also thinking about my experiences last year during todays lecture, and i found them absolutely amusing. it was like as if i was a different person. the need to locate and source and claw around for an identity in this foreign place drove me to insane lengths, and with those came a few very memorable moments. hehe. i was thinking about 18-2. about slattery's. about all the days i didn't stay at home. about wanting to go to gigs. about eating ridiculously priced dinners. wonderful days. i wish suddenly that i was as naive and as unknowing and less square and able to dive into all that crap again. i do i do i do i do i do.i want to go home. im sick of being so stoned and benign. i need to cyclically start over. mwahmwah.
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18:26
