Tuesday, October 10, 2006
im tired. deathly tired but i still feel like a blog. it not even 11 yet, and i feel like its 4 am. just got back from bukak puasa with daniel in charlie's. so superkenyang.
anyway had new realization. since coming back from belfast, i feel like a new person. as of right now, i can even listen to words from songs that would usually arouse bitter memories/ideas/feelings but right now im just listening. it's scary!
im probably so motivated to blog due to these great guys i call my 'babies', my french basketball team. its still unfamiliar territory and im still more or less an official figure. but at the same time these guys are great. i might seem as if im enjoying the fact that they're guys, but thats only true if you consider the different behaviours of girl and guy teams. i enjoy being their attache because they are guy athletes, not merely because theyre guys. minn agrees that women athletes are different than guys, even on the field.
anyways it is the likes of monsieur gilbert, and my team - francois, maxime, cedric, simon, amoury, quentin, jean-david, benjamin and nico - who are making my life interesting. they are making me excited about basketball. excited at having responsibilities (one of my minor phobias fyi). excited about the french language and culture. its funny. theyre great fun, despite our prior expectations. i even know their different personalities. some are quiet only because their english aren't as good as others. some are a lil sombong because they know theyre hot, and understandably so (happens everywhere). some have the confidence of a cow. they can talk and talk and speak to strangers and ask outright if we find their accent sexy. these are the colours of my team.
i dont know why i feel different for the last few days. i am beyond exhausted most days, but im also more active and more talkative. i think holidays has a more obvious effect on myself than i think. note: must do one every month or so. hahha.
right now im between a crossroads of what i want and what i dont want. and i know, ultimately, it will be the very thing i've always wanted that i will choose, because there are so many variables. changes are so temporary but every else boils down to that. i know im not making sense, but with that, i shalt end. end.
<3 <3 <3
22:27
