Saturday, October 28, 2006
bahmm. i have bout a million things to say today. quite a few thoughts have built up, forming a bottleneck at whichever part of the brain ideas and thoughts come along (haha this is a good gauge of how im going to fare for wednesday's neuroscience midterm)
for one thing, yesterday was lemang vs ketupat. i thought that i was semi dissatisfied with the quantity of lemang provided, but not so much on the quality. the food was fantabulous, and a little on the pedas side, which could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on which way you look at it.
ahaha. my thoughts keep jumping from one thing to another so i think ill just make this a haphazard entry and let you (yes, you!) piece this back together and figure my thoughts out.
i have this green eyed monster within me i want to call mary-jane. haha its just the contrast i want to achieve, since mary-jane is a highly virginal, innocent, childish name. i by no means am suffering with multiple personality disorder or am having some weird (read: psycho) thoughts on self and identity, but i just thought id give a name to one of my feelings, which is reflected in the green-eyed monstrousness that is mj.
anyways yesterday mj emerged, post-finding out about a certain information which i wouldnt include here. its just about how the world is so feckin superficial. of course personalities and niceties are all important things but at the end of the day, why, do you wonder, does it all boil down to the same old crap.
the main vestigial point here is is that its all subjective. all of it. and yet we can all have the same preconceived ideas and notions that are, sadly enough, socially constructed. i fuckin hate that.
this brings me to my next thought, fortunately not mary-jane related. a few days ago i was thinking about this girl i know, or knew, who was from the perspective of someone who knew her, relatively normal. and yet she was seen as an outcast, a symbol of failure and the adverse, simply because of something she didnt do. something natural and unforthcoming that would have naturally resulted in a positive, non-traumatic way. but it wasnt her fault but someone elses. someone elses thoughts, ideas, and influence has put her in a distasteful light - and for that very small, supposedly negligible reason, everyone thinks she is a lost cause. well fuck the world. i am on that girl's side. she was just doing her thing. she has a heart. respect her for it.
i hate it when people have this pull towards things that bring something for them. im sure its a natural notion, it has been an important expect in terms of existentalism and evolution, choosing something or fighting over something thats for the betterment of the species etc etc. but when its something as un-carnal as groupings and cliques and all these teenage high school inspired shite, its path. its animalistic all right, but is it highly appropriate? why the hierarchy? who decides? haha okay i getting a little too into my gahc essay, but oh god am i thinking this thoughts.
<3 <3 <3
18:18
