straightjacket and stardust

Sunday, October 01, 2006

after the last uber dramatic story, i think its best if i just go back to how things were. so how were things? today was nice. very fulfilling despite waking up post-noon and doing nothing much else. must remind myself to get a phone, email oisin on current affairs, change the no of blog entries per viewing, and do much else without collapsing in exhaustion. im quite honestly scared about the IFIUS week.

teehee. we did so much today, ekin and i. we put up the posters and we now have a hall of fame, filled with so many faces i don't think ill ever see all of it properly. it looks especially nice from over here on the bed. don't know bout everywhere else though. we also changed the posih of the tables recently, and we've written raya cards as well so things look rosy for now.

im still in the middle of my allison pearson novel and i have to admit its kinda nice in an addictive sorta way but at the same time im compelled to critique a thing or two. for one, she claims repeatedly how much she loves her kids and feels bound to them with all those uterine nuances but at the same time she mentions her fears and her utter horror at leaving her job and being a stay at home mom. one too many times, id say. entahle. slightly contradictory.

we had tomyam for buka which was excelle but everything else is hanyir so im making myself eat tomyam only for sahur. reminder: must buy milk.

i hope im a lil more motivated tommorow seeing as to how we're almost a third way through the semester and midterms are dawning on us fast and hard. its tough not having internet at home just yet, but its best. internet is distracting. so is tv.

im semi-happy. happy je sbenarnye. im kinda sleepy. im so proud of the wall of fame, its hard not too look. emotion-wise, im as confused as ever. its hard to change one's mind about something. it isn't as easy (haha im looking at the wall of fame wondering how much blu tack we used up). i dont know what im wishing for. probably distractions. probably something to keep me busy with, like mnite dancing and IFIUS stuff. maybe things will change from now on. i don't know. i can't pretend i don't care, but i don't know.

i lost my phone. i dont think ive mentioned that. ive lost it for about a week now and its a lil crazy, yes. but im doing okay so far. im apalled by how unaffected i am about losing that phone. i am almost unconcerned. of course part of me laments the fact that ayah bought me the phone and its a nice phone and everything. but im emotionally detached to that phone lah. hehhe. entohle. im sad about losing my phone but i've never loved that v3 anyway and perhaps thats why i subconciously wanted to lose it. kot la. now im going to only survive on cheap phones coz kalo hilang pun tak nangis. janji sayang. hehe.

i am ngantuk, but ekin's making roti sumthing so im gonna eat it before i sleep. i want to tell the world how much time i waste wasting it on things that are useless, people who are undeserved. pening jdnye. whatever it is, im going to bed right now, slightly full, mouth tasting of cili kering and cheese, and thinking (and admitting) that this will take forever to overcome but someday im gonna think of it and laugh, the same way i did when facing the whole faris furore. im looking back at it and laughing. what la was i thinking putting myself through all that. basically this is life. full of lessons learnt, if the hard way. im just going to have to bite through and look forward to the day ill laugh.

nahahahahha. i want to go to a botb suddenly. i want to be free from the ties that bind me so i can safely say that the rope that holds me down actually deserves to tie to my leg. goodnight.

<3 <3 <3

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