Saturday, October 28, 2006
oh yes yesterday something funny and interesting happened (at least for me). i was in the middle of a mouthful of lemang when the started the lucky draw for lemang vs ketupat. i had my number in mind, but my ticket is in my wallet, and i was thinking how dead i would be if they called my number, me being unprepared and all. suddenly the number 50 came up, and there i was, kelamkabut, and looking for my number and asking everyone left right and center if they really did call up no 50. wakakaka. it was hilarious. i went up to get a mug, and kak mai (who gave out the prize) was real nice and chatty. in case anyone's wondering, the mug indeed turned out to be a mug, black with the words: "faith - trust your hopes, not your fears". hoyeyh!
i had a dream last night which again, involved busses (i wonder why though?). this time around i dreamt of a lot of things like how i was explaining to the people in the bus - who were mostly ucd students - who used to sit where and when and why. entahlah. didnt make sense and still doesnt, though one of the jpa juniors i saw last night at astra hall was in the dream, and he was sitting where i used to sit. haha apelah. dreams are mainans of tidurs. how i wish these games are controllable. or at the very least, making sense.
i dont have much else to say, so yeah, it wasnt so long an entry. i will want to watch urban legend, and choreograph, and start up on my essay, even if its something as remote and redundant as finishing the front cover. i want to go to cork for like, a day. coz i need the vacation and ive been to cork and so im going. ha ha. ill probably go next week, and make a day trip. cant wait. xxxxim playing netball tommorow and it brought joy to me seeing as to how i havent actually played anything in awhile. anyhoo its going to be fab. ucd rocks. cheerleaders and players, remember to wear black tommorow. we are going to rok sport ctr yeah yeahim listening to the killers and inevitably feel this feeling inside of me. its as if i realize that im growing up. its a crazy, ridiculous thought but its what i felt. like a part of me is just detaching from something i have always been doing. perhaps it because this song symbolizes a period in my life where i was a lot different than i am now. a lot more immature, a lot more unknowing.
so what now? whats wrong with moving on, with knowing? with trying, and exploring. and reaching milestones that everyone else think impossible or faraway. why be afraid of difference? why be so detached and so far away from it all that you cant accept differences? come on. we are in a world where subjectivity is square. everyone thinks outside the box. outside of the norm and outside what is somehow perceived as normal. haiyoh. can everyone just please have an opinion? have balls (not literally)?
hehe. i want to be able to be happy despite it all. despite not having sufficiently studied for my exams. despite not being the model med student. i dont demand all this, i just think that people should be appreciated for their differences, not because they are the perfect symbolic norm of how one should be.
id rather be appreciated for taking a strange, eccentric module than for a 4.20 GPA. id rather be the one who joins things and be out there than studying 24/7 for my degree, which will eventually be just a prefix before my name. id rather people know me not because i am capable, but because i am human.
however, i do not want to be known for being the ultimate dissatisfied, grumbling, unhappy emo who's complaining about everything she comes across today, but rather the overexcited girl already so immersed in the language of her essay that she is suddenly critical of everything around her. see the positive, people. im trying my best now to do the same. xxxx
<3 <3 <3
23:16
