Tuesday, October 03, 2006
its late, as usual. i have a meeting tommorow with oisin and im praying that i wont be late. i have all sorts of things planned before lectures and even so, its half one and im still up. heh.
today was a fulfilling day for me. poyo-ly enough, we had two very gratifying dissections. the second one inspired me to nosedive into studying cranial nerves to the extent that its reflecting me back to my matrix hyper-studying days. i think its the stress and the distractions thats causing me to divert from my old ways. but im slowly, yet surely clamouring back to where i was. yippees.
due to strange spontaneous idea of monopolizing resources, i managed to get in touch with najib, who seemed to have a slight effect on my mood today. for some reason im laughing out loud. not guffaws but pure, unadulterated laughter. he reminds me of times of strangeness. of passive understanding. of days when simple words and messages were rays of light. and those slight skips in heartbeats are significant, even if initiated a few hundred miles away. sure, i defied my own words. sure there's skepticism. but above all, its wonderful. theres all there is to say.
today was shatt in a way coz its a full day tuesday and it's puasa and we didn't sahur. i had a ploughman's from the arts cafe for buke puasa which was overflowing with grated cheese (i got the cheese all over the floor) before heading home after spanish. i realized today that i have far to go. i know that there's still a lot of baby steps. a lot of skipbacks, a few hurdles. to be honest, im deathly afraid of my clinical years simply because it will add on to the sheer foreign-ness of the situation, plus i have no idea what its like or how its gonna be. haih.
another realization today was the gratification of being able to turn away. to run and not feel anything. to feel the pulse behind me, to be strong and be detached. it felt great. im still new to it but the feeling is addictive. a little like the feeling you get after achieving a good study sesh (am i starting to sound like a proper med student here?) or after a well-deserved win. or after you solve something or made a joke in spanish and made everyone laugh. GRATIFICATION. it has never been this beaut. im lovin it.can you now understand why i found my day fulfilling? hint: beep beep. beep beep.
<3 <3 <3
23:51
