Thursday, October 26, 2006
well well. i finally managed to get to terms with my essay and make peace with it slightly, as in approach it in a manner that is both mature and logical. i stopped treating it as though its a chore and started to view it as something sane, logical and for lack of a better word, non-toxic.
today i had an unpleasant experience with the libraries in this country. i am in no way putting down or intentionally putting forward a derogatory comment on the facilities of Ireland but im merely giving my opinion on what i went through. i generaly perceive myself as a kind person, and half the borderline-nasty things i say i don't mean. i am not a saint, but i am also not a person who with intent and purpose, harms others. so i think im somewhat entitled to state my point here. why are the libraries here so inaccessible? why is it made so difficult for people to use such facilities? with the exception of the UCD library, which is fabulous but perhaps only so because i am paying thousands of euros worth of fees and thus have the ultimate, yet unequivalent, luxury of enjoying said facilities.
i am from Malaysia. a nation where books and reading is something the government is trying to promote. ayah has often expressed concern over the lack of interest in reading amongst Malaysians, which to a certain extent is a problem. but i believe that we in general have made efforts to encourage reading and therefore allow the nation to prosper etcetera etcetera. point being, malaysian libraries arent as tightly guarded and impenetrable as pudu jail la.
and libraries/archives/catalogues. wtf? library from my definition is for books that i can borrow. as simple as that. perhaps im just a shallow med student who has not been offered the experience of perusing through journals and archaic papers a'la arts/history/law student. im there for that supremely thick textbook on the fourth shelf, seventh rung, sixth from right. yes, the one with the ancient blue cover, thank you.
no catalogue-only shite. no make sure you bring a proof of address and two passport photos just for the simple and non-harmful act of borrowing a goddamn book shite.
and what is it about everything being so security-linked? why do i have to show a proof of everything in order to survive? maybe in malaysia i am a citizen and ayah handles just about everything so im really not abreast about how much the nation wants from me. but somehow when im here, everything requires something. like they fucking dont trust me. yeah just because you're foreign ur a threat. kenapa?
i have no clue what brought up this emo outburst but then again its good. im not melancholic, just pissed. haha. everything has its natural rite and path. hmm. im imagining the cliff by giants causeway and how its just you all the way up there and the coast. that it. amazing, really. im as confused as you are right now coz even i dont know why the digression.
anyways its off to bed now. ekin's already asleep and i should be as well since im joining her tomorrow morning. let tomorrow be a satisfying, enriched day, and let todays ickle issues lie within, underneath and behind. coz suddenly i have every reason to look forward.
<3 <3 <3
23:25
