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14 feb 2010
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insomnia for the time

hahahahaha. hahahahahhahahahhaha. hmm. i told myself that i wasnt going to give in to temptation, but ekin was right. i was gonna blog about it.

tis will be short since im sleepy and itll be sahur before you know it. anyhoo i am twenty! woo-hoo. MAJOR milestone on my part. it feels so strange. i left teenagedom and it wasnt even a scarring experience. it was more subtle than any other birthdays ive ever had. anyways i am now old. haih. this will happen time and again. now im no longer a nineteen year old med student but a 20 yr old. well done, fatin.

anyhoo ekin did the nicest thing! she (superbly, very very stealthily made a mini celebration with my four (supposedly five - minus zaim) housemates min, ekin, atikah and atah. i was busy organizing and printing lecture notes when they came barging in at midnight (which came unawares) with a cake with candles and everything and sang happy birthday kuat gle. haha holy fuck betul. i malu and happy and terharu and excited coz its my fuckin birthday and yes, this is how its supposed to be dealt with: celebration!

so i blew the candles and made a wish (two wishes, actually). neither would seem incredibly realistic, esp the latter, but haha thats what birthdays are for. a fantasy, a promise, and a milestone indicatory of how far you've travelled and how wise the travels have gotten you. i wont be twenty per se till maghrib malaysia time and noon dublin time tommorow, so im going to wallow in the last vestiges of teenagedom before conspiring with most of my peers on the world of kidulthood (aka the land of the in between, something like bs's im not a girl, not yet a woman). haha ape la i merepek nie.

i looked at my reflection just now and thought that this is the 20 year old me and it felt good as it always does everytime i look in the mirror on my birthday. im counting my blesings coz days have passed and i am still here, still alive, still blessed with more than i deserve. alhamdulillah.

so. happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy birthday to fatin. happy birthday to you.