eiremoi is me, three-quarters of the time.










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14 feb 2010
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thanx

Boon May for art
mak for strength
insomnia for the time

its hard not be subjective at moments like this. i just had the most distorted week. ful of nuances and thoughts foolish when reexamined. today i had two shocks. two sudden indications that im suddenly drawn back to reality. i read a bulletin saying that mama yati's eldest son passed away today. i have no clue if its true or not - it was from a bulletin and only ONE person has told me this. but i know hirman (i hope i got the spelling right) and i saw him grow up for a bit and so it sux. he must be 17 or 18 this year. im so sad for mama. alfatihah.

i also heard that cik is not i good shape. ayah received a call from abang cu saying that cik is floating in and out of conciousness and now my family is rushing to kedah to be by her side. we all have this feeling that she will be leaving us soon and its frustrating and its painful. i was never actually very very close to cik, or any of ayah's sisters but she was always one i found inspiring. i thought she was beautiful and even during our last meeting she was being lovely. shes a lovely person. i will refrain from talking about her as if shes gone but i still have this sunken feeling in me signifying the impermanence of this arrangement. i am sad. haih.

i just went through an unproductive week, class-wise and suffice to say im so far behind its gonna be last semester altogether. i just went to an endo lecture and for the first one i just found it redundant. we had expectations expected of us and i failed everytime. the second lecture wasnt as bad. i had a great tutorial with kate today although my laziness and lack of academic focus became apparent when i blurted out that i didn't attend the lecture this week. i am nuts. im doing most things wrong right now and im sad so clearly things arent looking rosy anytime soon. however i did manage to speak out a lot and came out with plenty of ideas (i loved the descent, it was the first movie in this module that i actually like) and im more and more convinced on using identity as my horror movie of choice for my final paper. hell yeh.

im worried and im lost. i might find the time to get back to this space and fill in lost words and allsorts that i cant put in words at the mo. but for the moment, enjoy this moo from me:

baa.