Wednesday, September 06, 2006
right now im a jumble of nerves. im a mess of feelings, a plethora of emotions. lately nih im still going back and forth between livejournal and blogger not knowing where i stand. it's that confusing. i am scared. that's it, basically. i am afraid of travelling alone. of all the unsettledness of being back in eire. it's pathetic. first im afraid of coming back to malaysia. now im afraid of gong back to eire. this sucks.like i said, im a jumble of emotions. sadly, that isn't new. i spose if i could look at it in a positive light. being away, is yet again an oppertunity to run, to start anew, and especially a chance to be able to do things i can't carry out at home without having the world snooping around. having expectations asked of me. i swear i wont sleep super late tonight. last night was 5am. which was scary. i slept so very little and then woke up supposedly early to watch house. but unfortch, it was at two, and by then we were on our way to subang. and i am confused. so darn confused. i feel like sometimes i know exactly what's going on but at the same time i have no idea. i wish the people i want to meet before i go would just darn show up before i board the flight. but then again im expecting a paltry turnout. the whole thing just makes me think, u know. perhaps the first thing to do when wanting a change in the behaviour and characters of others is to start with oneself. on a brighter note, tommorow im (i) finally getting all my altered jeans back. yeay; (ii) retrieve the darn framed family portrait now ready to be brought to eire; (iii) get to see my somewhat demented little devils of cousins who somehow unbeknowingly traversed from age 5 & 6 to 13 & 14. bet they are still demented; (iv) finally pack. and probley not sleep. how is today any different from any other day?
<3 <3 <3
03:02
