Saturday, September 16, 2006
i bought a red towel today. after much hunting i found myself a red towel, a shade of merah hati. im sitting here with the towel on my lap and sadly enough its the only thing thats offering me consolation.
i am feeling nuts. im angry and nuts. im angry at the impossibility of some people. im angry at the superficiality and the need of some of my friends to be so critical of the people around them. sakit hati tau. okay. to be frank, im angry on why some guys are so critical of what their girlfriends wear and how they look and what they buy. at the same time, im pissed at the pussywhippin control freaks who decide all their guys moves. but today my focus is on fucked up superficial men. how they are the loving and caring and jiwang and manja lovers most gurls sucker up to but then would only choose girls based on whether theyre models. or if they are with some girl who isnt, she has to be wearing ck and not have a big arse. fuck u.
fuck u bastard.
i watched a stupid movie today. black dahlia is filth. crap. gross. yak. yak. pening je tengok. haha. i enjoyed only its aesthetics. im so enamoured by all the 30s swing styles. but among the crappy things: (i) lesbians rampant in the 30s? (ii) scarlet johanssen? sakit mata. (iii) scary, gory murder scenes. bodoh nye uncensored.
ekin insists that i add the fact that her skins dryness was acting up. she was scratching lots and finally decided to take a shower. highly irrelevant information, but like i sed, she insisted.
please excuse me. im a little crap today. maybe its the tiredness. maybe its the light of whats happened. maybe i just dont know what to do and that is astounding. i hate how people cannot understand whut and why i go through certain things and they dont empathize. empathy je. susah sgt ke? they just go on like things arent any different. and thats just a lil fucked up. it is different. you know. you should understand. maybe you do. but he doesnt. and that makes him a blardee mofo in my eyes. saya marah ni. marah a lil tak tentu pasal. haha.
i think im just moody because im not in control of myself and the situation im in. in my wishlist, i would add, is the possibility of not seeing a specific persons face because seeing hurts. if only i had a choice then i would tell that person to stay the fuck away from me but i cant because it isnt his fault to begin with and given the circumstances theres no way its possible.
haih. i need to have dinner. and even though my head is full and ive a million things to blog, ekin wants me to eat and i luv her so i got to go babai.
<3 <3 <3
22:54
