Sunday, September 24, 2006
im sitting here wishing and thinking that that makes other people happy does not bring out bouts of unfathomable unhappiness in me. it struck me that everything is in essence an individual opinion. we live and our lives revolve around our perception of something, and when others have a differing idea about a particular issue, thats when these perspectives overlap and thus make this world a whole. with all of us mere pinpricks, our shadows overlapping the ones next to ours.
which is why some of us are perpetually happy and some of us go on little bouts of happiness. its how we were meant to see the world. like how ekin found the omardin story strange when i, in fact, found it very possible. it shows just how different we are. and why happy-happy-sad.
my point is, i think i might be giving the wrong ideas to others about how i feel regarding their presence and their purposes. i dont want misunderstandings but in a nutshell this is what it is. i cant act for peanuts, snd so i dont think im good at pretending. i am unhappy because because. i am nervous because i find it so hard to be around some people. i am loud because im comfortable. and if i look morose, there probably is an underlying reason but don't take it the wrong way. im merely being me.
to state it briefly (and honestly) i am currenty in a state of unhappiness due to the fact that im uber disorganized. and that im infatuated with a guy who should be the last person i should ever like. okay, second last. its like in casanova; he is everything she fights against. and he is the epitome of what i despise. im confused, lost and also possibly alone in this issue but as always, i will survive. with much aplomb and drama, but how can life be interesting otherwise?
im somewhat sick with ending these thoughts with some optimistic undertone or another, but i cant seem to avoid it. haih. i dont know what will happen and i spose ill leave it at that.
on a (non-prevailing) lighter note, i absolutely adoooore the hse. its everything i hoped for, minus difficult washing machine. hehhe. but otherwise almost perfect. if anything, this hse makes me happy.
2moro i plan to wake up slightly earlier and then play the guitar, at which point i will pretend im the only person in the world and therefore play everything wrong as loudly as i can. and there will be no infatuation seeing as how no one else exists. no dissection q&a worries. no difficult level 2 spanish. no worries about missing classes for ifius. no worries about life and about living up to expectations. but then. there simply would be no reason whatsoever to live. tsk.
<3 <3 <3
22:40
