straightjacket and stardust

Friday, April 21, 2006

i saw my reflection on the glass sliding doors of the daedalus building
outside its dusky
almost surprising since its only almost 8 pm
i saw myself walking hurriedly towards the door
feeling the slight chill
me in my white linen trousers
yellow t-shirt
blue wristband
white tudung
and my pink esprit jacket
and i saw it
im celebrating what i haven't been aware of for ages
im celebrating my curves
mr arse looking more than visible
the belted jacket across my waist
and mothering hips
no bony bits.
no skinny limbs.
flesh. flesh. flesh.
for months i have been enslaved by what is predominantly understood as the man's ideal.
i don think i can blame myself for that
i was a size 8 for most of my life
and i was a size 4/6 when i first got out of mrsm.
but what i saw today was exhilirating.
a nineteen year old.
a proud size 12.
when mr absof asked me my size
i was proud to announce the big one-two.
because that is me.
big arsed.
thunder thigh-ed.
chocolate loving.
heck, food loving for that matter.
and if you don't want to accept that
then fuck. you.
i am built this way.
and i am proud of it.
i know i used to be a little critical of curves.
but that was before
and this is now.
im am not what i was when i was i yesterday.
i am now.
celebrating bums.
cheeks.
thighs.
pastries. chocolates.
i love them all.
and its all because i realize
if you dont appreciate the bits i come with.
then i'd rather u don't appreciate me at all.
today i saw someone who used to look at me with those critical eyes.
that judgemental stare.
just because im not a size 6 and i don't eat like a girl.
(haha i really don't!)
but today was different.
i was different.
i. didn't. care.
and that made all the difference.
i won't forget that look on his face.
lols.
anyways here's a hoot for all bootyliciousness.
mmwah/

<3 <3 <3

19:59