straightjacket and stardust

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Im in my room
Sitting cross legged in my bed
With my laptop on and no internet
Tsk
I have a test this Friday
A test of which im not too sure I can do well
That’s the thing about electives
I never fail to menganaktirikan electives
Even tho they have credit hours
Everyone does that to a certain extent I spose
Lols
Im sure I’d do fine in the test
Linguistics can’t be impossible
Besides, I like phonetics
And fact is, I believe in tawakal
It has always worked for me
I dissected lungs today
And it was great fun
Im in the middle of reading a book by jayne ann krentz
Its proving to be quite a read
Although im still vaguely unaware of who’s the baddie
In the middle of my room now is the sejadah and telekung
Left from subuh tadi
And then a plastic bag and a paper bag
Both full of clothes I got from mak
And clothes I recently laundered
I am very much aware of the fact that my holidays are beginning soon
In four days, in fact.
But it just makes me wonder, really
Whats so wrong about doing nothing during the holidays?and why is it so painful to know that ur parents are so close by
But u cant see them
Just as a matter of principle
What do I stand to gain if I see them anyways?
An extra hug?
A moment of brief unabashed happiness
Some form of serenity that refuses to prevail in my months here in Dublin?
I will gain a temporary form of solidity
A rush of love so to speak
But what happens when dat’s done?
When they go back to Malaysia?
I dread the day their flight arrives
I am truly dreading Friday
I knoe deep down that im not going to the uk to see them
It just hurts knowing they’re there
And im here, helpless
Im so not grown up in that sense
I think it all boils down to the loneliness
If I had some form of distraction I wudnt feel so empty
Or so dependent
I sometimes believe this
I sometimes don’t
I type with one finger on my right hand, sometimes two
But for my left, I type with three fingers
Which is cool in a way
My left ring finger is specifically typing the letter ‘a’
Which is all too interesting to me
My laptop has this disease where all of a sudden it changes its font to a verdana-esque type
Which irritates me loads
But I’ll live
I know for a fact that all im trying to do is avoid the unevitable
Im just postponing having to read up on my phonetic notes
Im just pushing it
Trying my bestest to not have to study
Gosh
This has got to end
But just a minute ago
I realized I could use the holidays valuably
By studying during the holidays
And well, catching up on what needs catching upping
And I know too that it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t go anywhere this easter
Coz I have five feckin years to explore Ireland
To explore Europe
This whole hemisphere for that matter
I had the most wonderful sleep today
I slept at about 6
Realizing just before I dozed off
That the weather was wondrous at 6
It was still daylight
And that made me so happy
I had to wonder why
Well anyways, I slept for 3 hours plus
I woke up just before half nine
And it was wonderful
I got up looking and feeling absolutely fresh
Fingers and toes tingling
Every muscle taut and energized
I looked so rested, so happy
I haven’t seen myself being well a lot lately
So it was a pleasant surprise
I had a wrap today
It was 2.75 euros
Which was fantastic by all accounts
As usual
I had potato salad, cheese and sweetcorn in the wrap
Which in words seem kinda gross
But actually fulfilld my appetite for something zingy and savoury
Im actually the worse person when it comes to minute, detachable temptation
Like right now
I could simply switch off the blower heater
But that would still the hum I’ve been accustomed to
Hence I have to have it on
And endure the heat of the bedroom
I don’t know what im off to tonight
I seem to have lost my direction
I like my new phone
Its almost a tolerable kind of like
Its liking a guywho’s absolutely gorgeous
But has a terrible attitude
U don’t like him whole
Well, u could
Erm, I could
But its just that you shouldn’t be liking him whole
Like my baby moto
I like it coz its gorgeous
Fits perfectly in my hand
And is essentially me
But I don’t like its colour
I don like how it disappears so easily so blendable so camouflaged
I don’t like its nitty grittys
Its font
Its messages
The way it works
I don’t like it the way I adored my nokia when I first got it
I was super thrilled
Im growing some seedlings in my bedroom window
They are tete a tete
They’re supposed to be yellow when they bloom
I got em at marks and spencer
Imagine!
Marks and spencer potted plants!
Lols
They’re growing pretty well I think
They’re only 3 days old
I cant wait to go back home this may
I don’t know why
I don’t think things will be any better
But I just wanna be there
Be home
Ill probably be a lazy, overweight slob
But im home
And nothing else will matter
Im aware that this particular blog is very, very long
But there’s nothing on tv
And im about 67% awake
And in denial about having to study for my linguistics test
I love my laptop
Id go insane without it, really
It allows me my true escape from world’s problems
Okay screw that
My problems, actually
There’s a guy vigorously cycling in the parking lot
Funny
Right now im singing one of ella’s songs
Out loud
And very off-key
And enjoying every minutes worth
My trip to Liverpool sort of enlightened me bout the wonders of the beatles
Im beginning to like em a lil more
My puncher has disappointed me
One of the hole-makers got stuck
So I can only punch one hole at a time
Which is hard coz I have to agak2 everytime
I feel like working this easter
I don’t care how long
Or where
I just wanna
I might just drop by the book store mizerq worked in
Take the risk
I hope he’d let me work for like, two weeks
I don’t mind working full time, every day
For like, two weeks
I might get quite a hefty amount, really
Which is good
Nothing wrong with making good quid
I just hope I get the job
I have a max of 40 working hours per week during holidays
So im sure ill be allright
I hope so!
Damn
All of a sudden, I so feel like working
Okay
I’ve got the internet back on track
I guess that’s a sign that I shud start working on my linguistics thang
Ta.

<3 <3 <3

13:18