Sunday, February 12, 2006
I was thinking
Standing in the loo
Looking at myself in the mirror for the splittest of seconds
And I went on to do other things
Like closing the bathroom window
Pulling down the shades
I was thinking, like I said
About what I want
I want to be happy at a size 12
With thunder thighs and rounded cheeks
I want to be able to eat anything and anytime
Like having cheesecake crust dough made solely out of digestive biscuits, melted butter and cinnamon
At quarter to two in the morning
I want to be happy when my parents come
I want them to lift this unhappiness
This uncertainty
The intellectual depression
I want my parents to come and be happy
To give me hugs
And to smile
And to show how precious I am to them
However selfish and immature that may be
I want to be in love again
To not care whether im old enough
Ready enough
Or willing enough
I want to love and be loved
All the tribulations that comes with a relationship
Can’t be as bad
Coz when you think about it
At least there is a person out there
Who’s thinking about you
Dreaming about you
Caring about you
As you care about them
No one actually knows whether one is ready or not
Its just push and play
Take things as they come
I want to not wrestle with my thoughts
And not be so PMSal
I want to be hugged
Not sexually, but lovingly
I want my thoughts to be interrupted by daydreams
For his thoughts to be exclusively mine
I want to be selfishly whole
I think it is true
That God made things in pairs
I want to not be afraid to go speed dating
I want to finally get Mr C’s phone number
Instead of imagining how it would be like
I want to tell a certain someone that he looks nice in the corduroy jacket
And that he shudnt really bother trying anything else
I want to dance for the cultural diversity week
And for all the wrong reasons
I want to sing the bring it on cheering anthem
I want this valentine to be different
I already know it is
I just want to know how different
I want to not flunk my MCQs
I want to smile and be happy for the next three days
I want to help ish bake a cheesecake for her boyfriend
And I want a boyfriend to bake a cheesecake for
That’s not selfish
Is it, now?
xoxo
<3 <3 <3
23:12
