eiremoi is me, three-quarters of the time.










kaka(not the footballer)
green tea
holidays
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14 feb 2010
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:conclusions
:time generally
:moolah

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Msiamoi
Weddingblog!
Sureen
Hanizah
Ekin
Danial
Hadi
Sarah Amin
Jay
Jim
Ajin
Corom

I/O

thanx

Boon May for art
mak for strength
insomnia for the time

i've never before felt so alienated
ekin feels so distant to me
i can sense she's either trying her hardest to find a sense of normalcy with me
or she's just feeling like she cant be normal with me
its either trying to
or not being able to
ekin's a big girl
and she's smart
she will do things right
we have a good friendship
and i dont think all this is worth not being able too be like before
sarah tries her hardest to be normal
she's close to me still
but she's close to korom
and no matter what, korom seems to be the priority
and yg slack nye
korom is not supportive of me
he probably sees me as this black mark
as the disgusting, dirty creature
he tells me he doesnt judge
he tells me he accepts me despite my mistakes
but at the same time he cannot look me in the eye
and he keeps all this anger
all this negativity regarding the whole issue
all boiled up inside
how can u say u accept when u simply dont?
zaim
well i don know where zaim stands
at least he speaks his mind
and he speaks out
whatever
and he supports me
and dat means a lot
im never going to trust anyone
after this
perhaps another thing i've learnt is that we cant simply just be
wew cant simply believe what we see
because what we least expect
will end up killing us in the end
its true
i learnt the hard way how true it is
as for the hijaz
im not angry at him
well, a little la
but i know im at fault too
im sure he's having lots of trouble because of whatever that has happened
im just wishing that people aren't too hard on him
because there's no point in crimination
no point in blaming me
no point in blaming hijaz
we just have to realize that shit happens
and whatever shit that has happened, has happened
it would be worthless to continue thinking
reprimanding
reminding
i've gotten enough shit for me to last a lifetime
im repentent
i swear i'd be careful
its just that i didnt know
gawd
i didnt know it was goin to happen
and i forgive him for doing it
but i cant understand why everyone is pushing me away
i imagine all those eyes looking at me
punishing me
whispering behind my back
napit
the ballsbridge girls
hajar
and just about everyone else
i feel the animosity
and i imagine it
both
i dont know what's what anymore
im just so disappointed
so disappointed in the way some people react to the whole thing
its just wrong okay?
its not fair
for me
for ekin
for hijaz
i just wish things were a bit different
i sat in the concourse today
cross legged on the bench
watching people pass by
people i know saying hi
waving
nodding
yet i feel completely alone
devoid of feeling
devoid of company
devoid of heart