Monday, November 21, 2005
The internet has deserted me yet again and I feel more lost than ever
I skipped 9am lectures n went out and watched harry potter with sarah over at ugc
The cinema wasn’t even remotely crowded
Mebbe coz they had most of the place showing the same thing
And I had a tutorial at Richview today
Which surprisingly, made more sense
Than any of the lectures we had on the same topic
And he guy who gave the lecture was oriental
Which kinda reminded me of when I had to give weekly presentations for biology
Courtesy of cik aida
Seeing how he had to arrange his thoughts
And present it
I knew it was difficult for him
So I kinda respected him
Especially giving a tutorial to this crowd
Must’ve been tough
Anyways..
Right now im feeling lost
More lost than usual
Here are my grumblings
I cant seem to relate to my housemates
Ish is okay
Coz she has this takda apa attitude and accepts me with all my quirks
But I cant seem to be comfortable around the other two
They probably find me equally hard to understand
I knoe I shudnt really bother much
But then again
I see these gurls everyday
And I think its gonna be crazy if I have to not be real
All the time
For the next few months
It really isn’t their fault.
Its just dat sumtimes, u cant click with people.
And im getting depressed with the prospect of no internet.
Padahal I’ve had times without net before.
And it was survivable.
And I feel lonely.
Its like I could sit in a huge hall full of people
Yet feel completely alone
Totally solitary
Be surrounded by people ur familiar with
And yet feel so very out of place
Trying so hard to please
When all u haf to do is be urself
But u cant
I cant
Things have not gone well with dun
And as much as I think things are better off now, I cant quite shake the feeling that things are gonna change between dun n i.
I don’t know why.
He’s one of the best things that has happened to me lately
And I kinda feel guilty
That I don’t appreciate him enough.
If that makes sense.
I have these great friends who I love. Sarah, ekin, min.
All in one house pulak tu. How convenient.
But right now everyone’s got a problem of their own to watch out for so im not really in the mood to actually be in anyone’s face.
I’ve spent a good part of this past two months liking a person
Who in the end
Ultimately doesn’t deserve to be liked
Im just weary, that’s all
Its just that sometimes we cant help liking a person
No matter how mean, or blinded or heartless a person is
Its just how it is
Kinda reminds me of the whole buerflai episode back in matrix
Hahaks
Anyways im just saying it’s the end
I’ve not stopped liking the guy
I’ve just stopped stalking him.
Haha
Im kidding
Whut I meant was I’ve just stopped trying to like him, actually.
Coz trying is hard.
Trying is tiring.
Hmm
Dats a good quote there.
Anyways im upset also because I cant quite let go of the fact that things have changed
That I am no longer living in Malaysia
Living like how I lived in Malaysia
Dublin is my new home now
I think part of moving on and living one’s life is letting go of the past
I truly think so
And I haven’t done a good job at it at all
Im still clinging to the remnants of what’s back at home
When I should really just focus on what’s ahead of me
And figure those things out
And not the demons of the past
Bring the good
Leave the bad
Things could be so much worse than it is right now
But I just cant see anything clearly
Im such a pessimist, everything seems like impending doom
Since the earliest days in Dublin it has been that way.
No scrap that.
Since bout a month after I arrived, things started to turn out this way.
Anyways im just being a paranoid git
That’s all.
Anyways I keep having bits of the movie in my head
I really should stop thinking bout the movie.
Lols
Anyways que serra serra
Im goin to make dinner.
Cheerio~!
<3 <3 <3
00:22
