Sunday, November 27, 2005
Is it?
Is it now?
Was it real or just a dream?
When I think of that smile
Those blues. Those crinkly blues.
I think im paranoid,
Thinking of things that hasn’t happened
It was surreal
Drinking tea and downing chocolate chip cookies
I swear it seemed so real
Looking around the world
Looking for places
Dublin. Beranang. KLCC. Clare.
And parts of Brazil we weren’t really dying to see.
It was the comfort of the living room, mostly
And how my world revolved around that very couch.
I firmly blame the world’s greatest board game.
And me having beat the current champion.
My mind a daze.
Was it just a dream, now?
Was it?
Its just a lot of luck
And not too much faith in myself
I cant stand reality
And this is me
At my best
The most hilarious thing is
Nothing’s happened
Just the thought of it. It drives me mad already.
The complications. The twists.
The envy and the scandal.
And at the end of it. I think.
The awkward hug.
Those crinkly blues, again.
Im such a mess!
What are my thoughts?
Three. Four. Four twenty. Five. Half five. Five minutes to six. And finally six am. More than six am.
Taking turns asking questions.
Religion. Thoughts. Ideologies. Love.
Personalities.
Katakan tak nak!
Loads of laughs. Distractions.
Playing thumb war.
Gosh. Playing thumb war.
Hihihi
And holding hands for a good half hour afterwards.
Asking each other what our thoughts were.
Lying down on that fateful couch.
Was it really just a dream?
It seemed so real to me.
And thinking how significant that song would turn out to be
In summer 2006
Should anything happen
It was the sheer simplicity
And the very realness
That strikes me
At the same time I am afraid
Im afraid that its all just in my head
And if it is
I am but a balloon
Deflated
Burst with a prod
How could something so good
Happen after all things so bad?
How?
I’ve been rereading my thoughts,
Okay, my blog.
And its filled with words. With hurts.
With sad thoughts and hunched sighs.
And then something this beautiful.
And it. Well. Its hardly even concrete.
But even if I die today.
And not know
Id die happy.
Was it a dream?
Tell me, please.
Im thinking flightplan.
Ice skating.
And that one other thing I cant recall.
Shite.
I cant recall!
Tsk.
It has to be. It has to be a dream.
And now concerts might not be as hard a trip.
He plays the guitar.
Listens as I explain on the different methods of meat preparation.
Plays with my hair.
And says it smells nice.
Refuses to leave.
Wants to sleep but refuses to leave.
Dream ke tak ni??
Talks. Listens.
Undoubtedly good with vocabulary.
Intelligent.
Underage. Amusingly so.
And never cringes. Never sighs.
Never complains.
I swear to god, he’s the nicest I’ve met.
Truly is.
Fact is, I felt so enthralled. So exanimate.
So me.
So real to myself.
*sigh*
Fingers intertwined.
Playing with jewellery.
Im now convinced.
That its all a dream.
Only words.
Words I can say.
Words that go:
Gonna close my eyes.
Gonna watch you go.
Going through this life, darling.
Like a field of snow.
<3 <3 <3
14:28
