Friday, November 11, 2005
Hmm
I have to admit as confused as I have been of late
I’ve never quite been predisposed to a contrasting array of feelings
I just found out about my bted in term results
And to say the least, agak pasrah la
I spose its true what they say
I shudnt have done a mental calculation of my results after I finished the test
I shudnt have even thought of it
Expectation sux
Expectation is the worst thing in the world to me
So yes, I did worse than I expected
But deep inside me
I feel a little strange
There’s something about being disappointed at myself academicallythat reminds me of how things were before
In matrix
In mrsm
Its like finding a piece of the me that I lost
Its just the feeling that spurs me to do better
I miss that feeling
Im so unmotivated, its scary
Anyways that’s pretty much whut I mean by an array of feelings
Disappointment. Sadness. Nostalgia. Fulfillment.
Im complicated.
Someone please shoot me.
Anyways im not telling mak and ayah
Im not
I cant, weih
Things are so much more difficult when I have things at stake
Its different to know
To understand the fact that everything counts
Cause ur not going to disappoint a sponsorship body
Ur gonna disappoint ur own parents
Its different.
Fullstop.
I hate this feeling.
Anyways I spose mulling over it gets me nowhere
Im gonna smile
And stop here
Goodnight
<3 <3 <3
17:05
