straightjacket and stardust

Friday, October 21, 2005

Im sitting down on the floor
In my room
Feeling relatively unwell
And refusing to go to the health centre
Even tho mak kinda told me to do it
I have supreme faith in my immune system
But unfortch im doing a crap job at keeping myself healthy.
Bad diet. Walking in the rain. Over-exerting myself. Etc.
Im just thinking a lot right now.
Thinking. Thinking.
Im just wondering whut im planning to do today.
Thinking bout the drama thing on Saturday
And how im ever gonna pull it off
Im thinking of home.
N how mak sent me a pack of mamee monster in the parcel.
Sungguh comel.
I love mak.
Mak very nice.
Lols.
Im thinking bout people.
About situations.
About how it was pretty apparent last night.
That its still within me.
That part that refuses. The part that refrains.
Chup I got a text. brb!
Okay. Anyways, I feel like there’s a reason I am the way I am now.
I don’t like objectification. I mean, whu does?
But its just dat I abhor the whole superficiality of it all.
How something so simple makes so much of a difference.
And the term innocent fun. Good, clean fun.
Lets just stick to that, k?
Im not saying im an angel. Hell no.
Im not saying im nasty either.
I am however very much in between. Its kinda hard to draw the line I guess.
But I alwez play it by ear. I knoe my limits and whuts best for me.
Perhaps that sets me apart. I don’t care.
Im just not the kind of gurl whu wud do all that.
I wont. I don like it, that’s all.
And im thinking.
Bout life. Bout relationships. Bout people.
To me getting to know people is fun.
Expectation isn’t
I don’t like people setting goals.
And wanting others to reach em.
It takes the fun out of everything.
I mean if u only expect a person to be the way u want them to be then I’d say good luck on ya.
Striving for perfection gets one nowhere.
Owh shite. Electricity abis. The hse suddenly went dark! Lols. Ill go get the top up card.
Brb!!
Okay. Anyways.
Its just that it’s the reality of how things are.
Say, if a person were to like me, I’d like it if he liked me because I am the way I am.
Not because im his type.
Or that I fit his specs or piawaians.
I am an individual. Respect the fact that I am different and perhaps u’ll find things to be a lot nicer. For everyone.
Whut a load of bs.
And the whole deal about physical appearances?
About weight. Looks. Style. And how it all matters.
All that hullaballo. Wtf?
Does it matter at the end of the day?
Does it?
I think dat goes for everything as well.
Basically life is already so complicated.
Everyone shud just sit it out. Relax. And not over-analyze.
Hahha. How ironic for that to come from me.
The most anal of the lot.
I understand dat I sound like a pain.
But I like to vent. N no one’s even meant to read all this. Its just my thoughts in case anyone’s interested.
The gist?
Life is complicated. That doesn’t mean we all have to be.
Lols.

<3 <3 <3

04:28