eiremoi is me, three-quarters of the time.










kaka(not the footballer)
green tea
holidays
sleep
14 feb 2010
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:conclusions
:time generally
:moolah

click

Msiamoi
Weddingblog!
Sureen
Hanizah
Ekin
Danial
Hadi
Sarah Amin
Jay
Jim
Ajin
Corom

I/O

thanx

Boon May for art
mak for strength
insomnia for the time

Omigawd
I had the whole situation misunderstood
And know whut?
I realized
Its not me
I knoe its weird
But I think the reason things got so clumsy between azhar and i
Is coz we were under pressure by well – meaning frens
Whu try as hard to match us up
We cudnt open up to each other at all
I was googletalking with ant
And he kinda made it clear
Completely
Its like this
I realize that all I want is to be frens with azhar
That’s it
Its probley a Malaysian thing
No
Its probley a malay thing
Everything starts with frenship
No jumping into the deep end crap
I learnt the hard way that u shud never, never have expectations
We were sumhow forced to be in a ‘like’ mode
By everyone else
And I sumhow fooled myself into thinking
Dat I shud be in ‘like’ mode
Even when im not
So that’s why its all so misunderstood
Its so hard to just form a connection with a person
Without everyone having to breathe down ur neck
Ant’s right
To sum it all up in easy-to-explain sentences
*quote*
you both want the same thing. you both want to just be friends
*endquote*
And azhar’s lines are possibly the best I’ve heard in a while
I almost gave him a silent salute for his line
*quote*
If anything happens, it’ll happen la. but dont force it.
*endqoute*
My point exactly!
I cant believe I din come to that conclusion earlier
*sigh*
Basically everyone wants us to hook up
When we both only want the same thing
We want to be frens
Azhar and i
Its so hard to establish a frenship with sumone
And maintain its platonic ways
When the situation is so misunderstood
And is misunderstood by everyone
Basically its all good
What I want from all this is a lil less complications
I think ant’s idea is pretty interesting
Ant suggested we arrange the clonskeigh thing
on our own
n not tell ish n harp and mary and the rest
a day out of lepak - without the complications
that way its a lot more truthful.
hehh
yeke? ye kots
Ouh the clonskeigh thing is to go out and get halal meat and halal food from sumwhere near Belfield
Possibly the closest halal store to Belfield
Omigawd
Miscrosoft word actually accepts Belfield as a kata nama khas!
They don’t underline it as a grammatical error
Wow
Now ucd has arrived!
Anyways like I alwez say
Que serra serra
No point in having a closed mind about this
Its all good
Whatever happens, happens.
Damn right.
Btw
I just had a fantastic conversation with ayah
Mak was away at the pasar malam
So she cudnt talk to me
Im sure mak will be so sdih
Kesian her lah
Ill probley go online a lil later on just to chat with mak.
Or maybe ill wait till she gets home, then sembang with her
Anyways ayah told me dat its confirmed
Cik has cancer
And is starting chemo soon
When first read bout it in the email he sent me
I felt absolutely wrecked
Ayah is feeling quite low too
He sed he hasn’t felt that way since tok’s cancer those years ago
Ayah kinda opened up to me emotionally today
Its probley the first time he has ever revealed his true emotions
I felt so sad.
Gle sad.
I really hope cik gets better
And niggling at the back of my mind
Is the whole thought of how cancer is really common in my family
Which make sme wonder if sumday I’ll be a victim to it too
I wonder
Whether its better to be thinking bout the odds
Or not thinking bout the odds
I just don’t know
I feel lost when I think about it
Anyways it feels good to have a long conversation
And be all mature
And feeling all loved
I feel like I can not let them down
I mean I can never let them down
Unless I get pregnant or start joining a cult or sumthin similarly satanic
But I think they accept me the way I am
And like
I feel like
I can be me
And not be ashamed and embarrassed about my flaws and imperfections
I can do the right thing
And do the wrong thing
And its not so bad after all
People take me as I am
They might misunderstand me sumtimes
But they accept me
Perhaps it’s the bit about starting off new
With a whole bunch of strangers
That makes me open up just that little bit more
And allowing myself to grow up a teensy weensy bit
I just feel a lot more whole now
That’s all
Im enjoying student life
Im not perfecting it just yet
But im planning to enjoy whut I have
Five years beb
That’s a lot of my life
Anyways im just gonna load piccies up on fotopages
And possibly do up lots of things
But whutever it is
I feel good
For now
I knoe things will not forever be hunky dory
But at least its beautiful for me today.
Yep.